raw diet

i eat meat. 
every time i eat it though i get weirded out, the fact that i am 
eating animal flesh. i tried becoming a vegetarian last year, 
it lasted all of a week. the sweet-smelling donair shop on commercial 
drive right around the corner from where i work, made me cave.
made me. twisted my arm so tight until i raised the white flag.
my conviction isn't strong enough, so i carry on eating animal flesh.

once we found out dc had terminal cancer we switched him over to a raw diet.
at first when our homeopath suggested it i thought sure, no big deal.
i figured it consisted of nuts.. seeds.. lettuce..
this raw diet turns out to be actual raw meat.

in the beginning i had a hard time giving it to dc, it's disgusting and 
it stinks.
we scoop the meat into his bowl and then pour some blood on top.
i tell myself the blood is red juice so as i am pouring it i repeat,

red juice
red juice
red juice

dc doesn't mind his new diet, he eats it nice and slow not because he is 
savouring it but because he can't breathe out his nose anymore.
once he finishes, the sneezing and snorting begins, the red juice starts to 
fly, from his nose, from his mouth. i try my best to keep up with the maintenance. 

as for cash he is doing really well.
my little honey.
he is still eating, pooping, smiling, and crying.
we had a beautiful time back east with family and friends over the holidays.

it was odd being away from dc, especially at first. he is my shadow always in my 
conscious and it was hard to release that.

we are all together again, looking ahead to 2009.
it's going to be a good year, no matter what.

sneezing, snorting, stank food, red juice and all.
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